Public Service Announcement

This weekend I attempted the impossible; to disappear from life and get a grip. The last few weeks have been slightly intense and I needed a break. It didn't work, and the reason is because I can't completely turn off.



For those of you who haven't heard yet, my father is very sick. He has liver failure which causes all kinds of problems and he sometimes ends up in the hospital due to high ammonia levels in his brain which cause him to be 'out of it' to the point where he gets very confused and will call his new wife by his mother's name. Not a good thing.



I haven't blogged about this yet. Mostly because it's very personal, but also because isn't just my life, it is affecting everyone's lives around him, and most importantly it is really my dad's life I'm talking about. I feel weird about putting this all out there because of how others may 'read into' what I'm saying or that they might use some of this against me later on, but I feel like this is my way of getting things out there, and this will serve as my public service message.



I watch a lot of garbage tv when I need to decompress. Usually there is a hot guy on the show that just makes me happy to think there is someone out there like that (regardless of whether he is real or not). Numbers is a show I like to watch for two reasons: there is Don, the troubled soul FBI agent who is hot, and his nerdy mathemetician brother Charlie who is just geeky enough to be cute and quirky and you learn things from him. The episode I was watching, ironically, was about organ transplants and the black market sale of organs to donors. The episode focused on kidney transplants, but it basically served a purpose: to get the word out about organ donation.



My dad just got confirmed to be on the waiting list for a new liver, which is GREAT news. The other side to this great news is the waiting. The weird sensation of praying (or thinking/ wishing really hard) for a new liver to come up which will match all the categories of my dad. This basically means I'm hoping someone dies. This is a strange feeling. Knowing I am waiting for someone to die so my dad can live, and knowing that everyone that does die is not an organ donor or a match.



One of the recent times I was up at my dad's house, my grandmother announced to me "12 people died this week in Seattle. " My initial reaction was "holy lord, she's counting people's deaths!" and then I realized, every one of those people that died was a possibility for a new liver, and each person that didn't have the same characteristics reduced that possibility, along with the reduction by people who aren't organ donors.

So, here is my public service announcement. Be an organ donor. Help a family. Save a life.

Turning 30 (part 2 -- or what I can learn from)

I've spent a couple days recounting things that I did in my 20's that didn't necessarily work. I'll share these dating dont's with you now:

1. Just because he's telling you how much he loves you, if he's not acting like it. He doesn't.
2. Do not accept dates from men who kiss you after meeting you 10 minutes prior. This will end badly.
3. Do not date a drummer. (While they may be the backbone of a band...this does not mean they have a backbone.)
4. Do not date people named Jason. (This one is more for me than the rest of the population, but I have yet to meet a Jason I like.)
5. Do not make excuses for a guy. He's completely capable of making his own, and its better to listen to what he comes up with for later recounting with your friends. He said WHAT?!
6. Do not continue a date if when arriving at the restaurant your date has already had a meal and you are only 10 minutes late.
7. Do not expect that when a guy asks you out, picks the place for drinks, and asks you to stay for dinner, that he will also pay for this outing.
8. Do not count out the shy guy. He's probably better than the loud one.
9. Do not expect that letting a guy down easy is the best way. Sometimes you need to tell them that their 'Angel' has no interest whatsoever. Do not do this if you fear for your life. Tell them you are moving away, and when they tell you they will come with you... at this point you should change your number.
10. Do not 'date' a neighbor.
11. Do not think that because your high school boyfriend was simple and romantic then, that he will be now. Or that he will be single.
12. Do not continue to date someone who on your first date says "well, its not like I came here expecting to date you for 5 years." This guy will continue to be a jackass.
13. Do not expect that cute snowboarder/surfer guy who you have great wicked banter with via email will turn out to be the guy you expect when you finally meet him. He will be socially stunted. You should know this already from your other friends who are also snowboarder/surfer types (whom you are great friends with, but who ... lets face it ... are more used to being around guys than girls.)

Turning 30 (part 1)

There is so much hype about turning 30. Its a pretty big birthday. You are no longer in your twenties, but you aren't quite in your thirties; you're just thirty. Apparently, when you are 30, you should magically have all your shit together, be secure in your career of choice, have a significant other with a prospect of either marriage or children, have already or be in the process of buying a house/condo, and be on the road to the height of the American Dream.

Because I am not happy in my job, have no significant other or even a prospect of a significant other which means there is no marriage or children on my horizon, and I don't even have my own apartment at this point (but I do own those tubs outright). I'm about as far from the American Dream as you can get.

But here's what I do have. I have a fabulous family who, when I was in Costa Rica getting robbed, help keep me sane and alive and able to continue my trip to end it with good memories rather than the memory of being stranded in a surfers paradise with no money, no credit cards, no books, no journal, and unable to pay back a complete stranger who gave me $20 to last me a week.

I have great and amazing friends. Some whom I've known for over a decade; most of whom I've known for less than 3 years. People who have turned out to be the strong influences I needed to get me over the end of the crap that happens in your twenties when you are still figuring it all out, taking huge leaps of faith and crashing and burning because it wasn't the right ledge to leap off, who will pick you up off the floor and keep reminding you not only that you are, but WHY you are still "enough."

I also, now, have knowledge and faith in myself. I have the right reasons to say no, the strength to stick up for myself, and the ability to just let people walk out of my life if that's what they choose to do. It no longer crushes me to accept that people will think what they want about me: if they don't like me.... eff 'um. And when those that have walked out walk back in expecting me to be the same naive girl who will let them walk all over me once more just to make them feel better about themselves.. well, all I can say is "you had your chance and you blew it."

My favorite part about turning 30 was the women who upon finding out would say "welcome to the club. It only gets better," and listening to the people who had a hard time turning 30 say things like "it all goes downhill from here" and thinking to myself... "not for me!"

It was also fun to (after a crazy weekend of celebrating the last hours of my twenties) to wake up Monday morning and say "I did that crap when I was in my twenties!"

So, Here's to 30. Bring it!