Stephen King Ain't Got Nuthin' On Me

It's a beautiful day here in Seattle. Days like this make me wonder why I ever moved away. It's warm and there is a slight breeze. The sun is shining, people are smiling, and the bums are lounging on the benches in Westlake Center. It's really beautiful.

The only problem about when it gets warm in Seattle is that the alleys start to smell like urine. Most of them are referred to as "Pee Alley" because usually when you walk past one the stench wafts up into your nose and you think twice about using the alley as a shortcut.

I had to run to our other building this morning to grab a power cord for my laptop since mine is still sitting in my suitcase in Monroe. So, I grab my sunglasses and wallet, and head out for the two block jaunt. I decide to take the pee alley shortcut because it's still relatively early in the morning and the alley hasn't had time to put its stench to work yet. I pass a couple of maintenance pick ups at the beginning of the alley with two guys sitting in their respective driver's seats - obviously hard at work.

Once I get about halfway down the alley I think to myself Either I'm incredibly stupid for continually choosing to take pee alley to the other office or I just think I'm a badass. Before I could even finish the chuckle coming up to my throat I feel something slightly sharp forcefully hit the top back left side of my head. I flinch to bring my hands to my head and simultaneously turn around to encounter whatever crazy man has followed me down the alley. To my surprise and absolute horror there is no one there.

Then I realize what happened: A rustling sound and swoosh of black color off to my left. A crow caawing and soaring back up to his perch on the building light fixture above. I barely have time to register the fact that he is looking directly at me and taking off again - straight towards my head.

I break into a run screaming as he hits my head once again, in the same spot, caawing and screeching like I've trespassed on his own Pee Alley. I get closer to the end of the alley where I can see people milling about and I hear the swish of his wings right next to my ear and I scream one more time.

True to Seattle, no one turns to even look, let alone sees this damn crow attacking my head and trying to grab my hair. I continue running until I hit the lobby and when the door closes behind me I let out a sigh followed closely by a laugh as I turn to look at the security guard behind his desk. Soundly asleep.

Some security you are.