Piss Up A Rope

Piss Up A Rope is my new favorite Ween song. I'm not a huge fan of Ween, but this song is not only funny, it is sort of a theme for the day.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

My dinners on fire while she watches tv
And if youve ever wondered what its like to be me
She takes all my money and leaves me no smokes
Yells at my buddies and insults my folks
Im breakin my back doin the best that I can
Shes got time for the dog and none for her man
And Im no dope, but I cant cope
So hit the fuckin road and piss up a rope

You can piss up a rope
And you can put on your shoes, hit the road get truckin
Pack your bag, I dont need the ag
On your knees you big, booty bitch start suckin
You ride my ass like a horse in a saddle
Now youre up shits creek with a turd for a paddle
And I cant cope -- piss up a rope

Uh, you can piss up a rope and feel the pissy dribble
You can piss up a rope and watch me giggle
For the last 6 months I been packin your bag
You can wash my balls with a warm, wet rag
Till my balls feel smooth and soft like silk
Im sick of your mouth and your 2 percent milk
And Im no dope, but Ive lost all hope
So hit the fuckin road and piss up a rope

You can piss up a rope
And you can put on your shoes, hit the road get truckin
Pack your bag, I dont need the ag
On your knees you big, booty bitch start suckin
You ride my ass like a horse in a saddle
Now youre up shits creek with a turd for a paddle
And I cant cope -- piss up a rope

Now, you might ask, MeanKatie, what does any of that have to do with A) you, B) Lollapalooza, and C) Pissing Up A Rope?

Lets start from the beginning.

I flew into Chicago last night at about 9 pm. I think that is actually Chicago time, so that would be 7 pm my time. I'm exausted, my brother is stuck in traffic, and Peggy has just talked my ear off for the remaining 2 hours of the flight after I woke her to go to the bathroom. Peggy is a very sweet woman going to visit her daughter and her two grandsons... and not until later do I find out its actually to move her out of her place because she is getting a divorce. (which btw, is not something she wanted)

I've eaten all my granola bars, drank all my water, and am watching all these people get picked up by their friends/family when an older woman sits down beside me. She too, tells me her life story, as well as the fact that her granddaughter(?) is never on time, missed her flight from Texas and sat in Iowa for a day (I mean, its only a 45 minute flight, I don't know why she sat there.) and they just found out she is four months pregnant with a baby girl. Apparently, the new mom was disappointed -- she wanted a boy. If you ask questions, with some people you actually get answers. Unfortunately, this is not what happens with guys I date. They end up changing the topic.

But, I digress. Kev pics me up from the airport and we proceed to the apt to meet Dylan and Michelle, both of whom are super friendly. His apt is nicer than some of the places I've seen in Seattle (I thought Chicago was supposed to be old). I think Seattle landlords need to do some renovating. Although, I must say, if I were left to drive around this city, I would get completely lost due to the fact that every block has the same row of houses that look exactly the same. No wonder people around here know street names.

So, today I get up and get ready for my big trip on the train to the city for LOLLAPALOOZA! Woo! I can feel the excitement already! Anathallo plays at 1:00 and I expect to be there. Kevin's friend Lori and I are going to meet up before Kevin gets there since he has to work, and lucky for me that was the plan. I could totally get lost around here. I mean.. I can SEE the EL. Can I find where to get ON the EL? NOOOO. So, I had to ask directions like three times, but I finally made it downtown. Where everyone just kept telling me to "go towards the lake."

Let me paint a picture for you. Chicago is flat. There aren't any gently rolling hills, no mountains in the distance, no place where you are looking down, or up, or over... just flat. Someone tells me "go towards the lake" I immediately wish for N,S,E,W directions, which we ALL know I don't know and standing in the middle of downtown Chicago surrounded by super tall buildings I can't even tell where the Sears tower is. And its tall.

Now, the water for us west coasters... pretty good directional to have. Its west. Here, the water is east. I get completely screwed up everytime I come here.. Anywho, I finally find the way to the lake, and I'm on my way to LOLLAPALOOZA to see Anathallo, Editors, and others.

Now, we all know there are twists in my stories. Here is the first one. I'm talking to Lori, who I've never met. We are attempting to find one another HERE. She calls and says "I'm at the fountain." I immediately think.. ok, sooooooooooooo which part? its round... we're both standing at the opening of the fountain... then I see her. She's "in" I'm still outside, but apparently I find the loophole through security. Which by the way is a joke. No metal detectors, no pat downs, they don't even look in your purse. So, I go to find Lori and when I get to her I say "I don't know if they'll let me in with my water bottle half full, I think I have to toss the water." She replys with "Well, I don't think its a problem since you've already gone inside." Ha. I just totally bypassed security.

So, we go to see Anathallo. They are great. I really liked them and they were super appreciative of how many people turned out to see them. They have the kind of music that starts out slow and quiet and creshendos into a melodic pulsing movement. I love that kind of stuff.

Back to Chicago being flat. Ok, so the way Lolla is set up is that there are 4 stages on each side of this HUGE fountain in the middle. One of the main stages is right next to where Anathallo was playing. This is important because when you get people up there who really rock, but the people on the other stage have some quiet parts to their music... the noise travels and its hard to hear. So, thats something to get used to. Oh, and there is so much walking. WALKING. You thought that hill up to the second stage from the first stage at the Gorge was bad... that's nothing. I think I may have walked 6-7 miles today. In flip-flops. My feet are toast.

So, after Anathallo, we went to see Aqualung, who I love, but he was a little to slow for me, and there were too many people, so Lori and I cut out to walk around, play a little leap frog... find some clowns with secret words... you know. Normal concert going stuff.

OH! I forgot about the guy. So, partway through Anathallo, I turn around just to survey the crowd, and I find THIS GUY. What was he doing? WHO KNOWS. He was just standing there like that.

So, we head to the stage where the Editors are playing. They were really good. Very entertaining. I would go see them again. For sure. Stickers were given out, and I put one on my Mt. Rainier bottle. First sticker on the bottle. GOOOOOOOOOOOO EDITORS!

At this point I'm hungry, I've been in the sun awhile, and I'd like to sit down somewhere and eat. At Lollapalooza they give you in and out priviledges w/ your wristband if you bought the three day tickets. So, we leave to go to Exchequer. A pub that has lookalikes to the windows of an old castle outside, that also, has a dungeon-like feel when you go in. We eat. We leave. We go to THE BEAN.

This waterfall is cool. There are 10,000 Chicagoans (is that how you say it?) that have different pictures up on this waterfall... after 10 minutes of their face being up there, they shoot water out through their mouths! Its really funny to watch all the kids standing there waiting for it to happen. Then, the face disappears and the waterfall comes back. Pretty cool.

Then, we visited the Bean, which reminds me of the spaceship from the Navigator. That was cool. I got some good pics of that one click here for more pictures.

So, off to the show again to see the Raconteurs. Jack White's other band. Now... here's where things get crazy. I need to go to the bathroom, and we are right next to the stage when I spot this lone porta potty with one person in line in front of it. So, I take that magic moment to use the restroom. By the time I get over there, I realize everyone else had the same idea and end up fourth in line.

Porta pottys are hit and miss (pardon the expression). Sometimes you get clean ones, sometimes you get REALLY nasty ones. We lucked out at Sasquatch by staying at the Wildhorse Campground (can't sell them enough) because they are clean. Even in the Gorge the porta pottys had hand sanitizer and a mirror to check yourself out... they were top notch as far as public 'outhouses' go.

Now. As we are standing on this path there is foot traffic, and there is also golf cart, mini truck, and forklift traffic. We kept having to move around to get out of the way of the service vehicles supporting the stations around the grounds. When my turn comes up, I go inside the WORST porta potty I think I've been in. THANK GOD it was in the shade. I mean, I don't think I've been in a porta potty THAT full EVER.

Now, lets take you all back to 1996. The last year I went to Lollapalooza and stayed at the Gorge campground. People were pushing over the porta pottys. They smelled bad. Some people missed... but they weren't really ever full.

This porta potty... I almost turned around and walked out to find another one. But, I'd waited in line so long and was now at the point where I just needed to go. So, I get in 'the stance' and I'm trying hard not to touch any surface whatsoever. This is hard since there is a urinal on your right, the tp dispenser on your left and about 12 inches when you are standing upright between your nose and the door. I start to go and I can hear the sound of a motor coming closer and people outside shifting to get out of the way. Apparently, it didn't work. The vehicle bumped the porta potty. Did I mention before how full this thing was... well.. I got hit.

Sirens should have gone off, a camera crew should have come out running with new clothes for me.. something! but, noooooooooooooo. So. I toss the undies that were soiled. Go back to where my brother is standing, try to keep my back covered, and run RUN to the place where I bought a dress earlier. I purchase a skirt, change, and now I'm less disgusted. And I have a new favorite skirt. But. I am totally afraid of porta pottys now.

I return to find my brother at the Raconteurs. I fall into a celebrity crush worthy of a twelve year old with a Bop magazine full of picutres of Jack White. I have no idea what it was. I didn't find him attractive before. Maybe I inhaled fumes from the porta potty. who knows. But, I have a huge crush on Jack White. I am sure I'm not the only one.

We stay for Ween and while they are setting the stage up, listen to the Violent Femmes, who's stage shares the same field. I think they had the same setlist from 1993's Canada Day show I saw back in H.S.

Ween comes on. I listen to the song, then I listen to the words of their songs. They've got some interesting stuff. Oh, and their lead guitarist...LOVES his solos. They are a bit long.

Never the less. Piss Up A Rope, is not only a funny song, but a fitting ending to my first day at Lollapalooza. I'm glad Jack White was playing and not walking through the crowd. That would have been mortifying: you know, not only to have a schoolgirl crush on a 'rock star' but to have pee on your pants.. that isn't even yours? I mean.

More to come. Two more days... at least 10 more bands... hopefully no more porta potty stories.

MK