The Underdog

There's a rollercoaster effect to attraction. The slow build to the crest and then the freefall and after you get off the ride you ride the euphoric sensation until it fizzles out.

I'm off the high. I've been off the high for about a week now. The short version to end the "Eyecandy" story is this. It built to this amazing crest. I'm not even being dramatic when I say the stars aligned and you could see how everything was working in the favor of this going somewhere other than the attraction funeral home. He'd broken up with a girlfriend. We had birthdays a day apart from each other. He invited himself out. There was a lot of flirting that involved conversations about marriage and how hard it was and kids and how much responsibility there was and sick family members and ex wives and how "I knew you weren't like that the first time I met you." Things were being expressed. Things were moving forward. There was a shared attraction that neither person could deny.

I flew home the morning after and felt giddy; the smile that doesn't fade, the elevated happiness, the fast-forward of your lives together. In my case a fast forward of undeniable fun followed by a tragic ending, but all in all a great love story.

Two weeks later I'm low. I'm wondering why there is no forward movement. Why when standing in an elevator together at the end of a great evening you just look at each other while the doors close between you and you wait because surely that can't be all?

So, here I am, a little over a month to our birthdays. He's supposed to come out. He's supposed to be interested. He's supposed to not be able to function because he's thinking about me too much. There's a 95% chance he's not going to call, he's not really going to even acknowledge that he invited himself out to be with me, so all that worrying is for nothing. Then there's the hopefull 5% chance he contacts me and follows through. I've decided to plan a different birthday celebration and most of me never wants it to happen; I really want the 5% chance to prevail.

I wants the underdog to win. C'mon underdog.