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The title of this blog entry is brought to you by the temperature in Las Vegas right now. It's so hot I've decided I'm going to run the track at the gym - it's either die from heat stroke or boredom and I've decided boring would be less painful.
The thing is, I hate my gym. I'm so intimidated going there because of the people who also go there. I'm not a fitness model or MMA competitor or professional 'cocktail model' nor could I be one. For one thing, I'm not very good looking to begin with, for second when I work out it is not a pretty sight. My face turns bright red and I mean BRIGHT red. I basically look like I've been holding my breath for an hour and it doesn't calm down for probably another hour. I'm pretty sure people get worried that I might pass out at any moment.
My clothes do not match. I wear the same outfit to work out in because its the only thing that fits. It only happens to be shorts and a tank because if I wore any more clothes I may take on extra weight from all the sweat just walking to the door.
The women at my gym wear outfits. Not just my sweats match my tank outfits, like... I was on the cover of Muscle and Fitness last month and this was my cover outfit. Sigh.
So here I go. Fitness World. Week Six workout #1.
7.14.2009
7.09.2009
Week 5 Day 2
I have been using a WAUN or RULK (walk/run run/walk) interval training by Podrunner.com for their couch to 5K series. Today's run was basically two 8 minute runs with a short walk in between. I didn't get all the way through the last 8 minute run without walking, which is totally annoying.
The last two times I've run, I feel super heavy even though the week before I felt awesome. According to my favorite trainer Chris Bartl this is called "the grind." The time when the excitement wears off of starting your new program and the plateau begins. I'm not losing as much weight as I am gaining muscle so my clothes are getting tighter. That's a fabulous feeling. When you are working out and you're clothes are getting tight. This is when I start thinking .. why am I doing this?
I'm doing this because I've paid for a marathon and I'm going to run it. And I'll finish it too.
The last two times I've run, I feel super heavy even though the week before I felt awesome. According to my favorite trainer Chris Bartl this is called "the grind." The time when the excitement wears off of starting your new program and the plateau begins. I'm not losing as much weight as I am gaining muscle so my clothes are getting tighter. That's a fabulous feeling. When you are working out and you're clothes are getting tight. This is when I start thinking .. why am I doing this?
I'm doing this because I've paid for a marathon and I'm going to run it. And I'll finish it too.
Run Fat Girl Run
I started training for a marathon about 5 weeks ago. I know, I know, what was I thinking? Good question. I think, at the time, I thought to myself - this could be a great way to work on your 'issues' while getting back into shape. Or, hey why don't you torture yourself for 8 months by attempting to run 26.2 miles in one swoop when you've never been a runner in your life.
See, I've always envied people who could run. They look graceful and active and athletic ... well basically everything I'm not. It's something they can do on their own or with friends. It's something they don't need gear for - besides shoes and a road and I REALLY don't need another hobby that has expensive gear to go with it.
So, from here on out, this blog will follow my attempts at running. It will follow my thoughts, the weird things that happen on my runs (you know there will be some) and anything related to running until the marathon on December 6, 2009.
So, I hope you enjoy what is about to happen. That being me transitioning from a chair bound office worker with 'secretary spread' and 'spare tire' to an athlete. A competitive athlete.
Ok, lets not get carried away... Athlete is good.
See, I've always envied people who could run. They look graceful and active and athletic ... well basically everything I'm not. It's something they can do on their own or with friends. It's something they don't need gear for - besides shoes and a road and I REALLY don't need another hobby that has expensive gear to go with it.
So, from here on out, this blog will follow my attempts at running. It will follow my thoughts, the weird things that happen on my runs (you know there will be some) and anything related to running until the marathon on December 6, 2009.
So, I hope you enjoy what is about to happen. That being me transitioning from a chair bound office worker with 'secretary spread' and 'spare tire' to an athlete. A competitive athlete.
Ok, lets not get carried away... Athlete is good.
6.01.2009
Stephen King Ain't Got Nuthin' On Me
It's a beautiful day here in Seattle. Days like this make me wonder why I ever moved away. It's warm and there is a slight breeze. The sun is shining, people are smiling, and the bums are lounging on the benches in Westlake Center. It's really beautiful.
The only problem about when it gets warm in Seattle is that the alleys start to smell like urine. Most of them are referred to as "Pee Alley" because usually when you walk past one the stench wafts up into your nose and you think twice about using the alley as a shortcut.
I had to run to our other building this morning to grab a power cord for my laptop since mine is still sitting in my suitcase in Monroe. So, I grab my sunglasses and wallet, and head out for the two block jaunt. I decide to take the pee alley shortcut because it's still relatively early in the morning and the alley hasn't had time to put its stench to work yet. I pass a couple of maintenance pick ups at the beginning of the alley with two guys sitting in their respective driver's seats - obviously hard at work.
Once I get about halfway down the alley I think to myself Either I'm incredibly stupid for continually choosing to take pee alley to the other office or I just think I'm a badass. Before I could even finish the chuckle coming up to my throat I feel something slightly sharp forcefully hit the top back left side of my head. I flinch to bring my hands to my head and simultaneously turn around to encounter whatever crazy man has followed me down the alley. To my surprise and absolute horror there is no one there.
Then I realize what happened: A rustling sound and swoosh of black color off to my left. A crow caawing and soaring back up to his perch on the building light fixture above. I barely have time to register the fact that he is looking directly at me and taking off again - straight towards my head.
I break into a run screaming as he hits my head once again, in the same spot, caawing and screeching like I've trespassed on his own Pee Alley. I get closer to the end of the alley where I can see people milling about and I hear the swish of his wings right next to my ear and I scream one more time.
True to Seattle, no one turns to even look, let alone sees this damn crow attacking my head and trying to grab my hair. I continue running until I hit the lobby and when the door closes behind me I let out a sigh followed closely by a laugh as I turn to look at the security guard behind his desk. Soundly asleep.
Some security you are.
The only problem about when it gets warm in Seattle is that the alleys start to smell like urine. Most of them are referred to as "Pee Alley" because usually when you walk past one the stench wafts up into your nose and you think twice about using the alley as a shortcut.
I had to run to our other building this morning to grab a power cord for my laptop since mine is still sitting in my suitcase in Monroe. So, I grab my sunglasses and wallet, and head out for the two block jaunt. I decide to take the pee alley shortcut because it's still relatively early in the morning and the alley hasn't had time to put its stench to work yet. I pass a couple of maintenance pick ups at the beginning of the alley with two guys sitting in their respective driver's seats - obviously hard at work.
Once I get about halfway down the alley I think to myself Either I'm incredibly stupid for continually choosing to take pee alley to the other office or I just think I'm a badass. Before I could even finish the chuckle coming up to my throat I feel something slightly sharp forcefully hit the top back left side of my head. I flinch to bring my hands to my head and simultaneously turn around to encounter whatever crazy man has followed me down the alley. To my surprise and absolute horror there is no one there.
Then I realize what happened: A rustling sound and swoosh of black color off to my left. A crow caawing and soaring back up to his perch on the building light fixture above. I barely have time to register the fact that he is looking directly at me and taking off again - straight towards my head.
I break into a run screaming as he hits my head once again, in the same spot, caawing and screeching like I've trespassed on his own Pee Alley. I get closer to the end of the alley where I can see people milling about and I hear the swish of his wings right next to my ear and I scream one more time.
True to Seattle, no one turns to even look, let alone sees this damn crow attacking my head and trying to grab my hair. I continue running until I hit the lobby and when the door closes behind me I let out a sigh followed closely by a laugh as I turn to look at the security guard behind his desk. Soundly asleep.
Some security you are.
5.13.2009
Cheers...
My first memories of her involve big, curly hair, and band geeks. It was 1990, I was in 7th grade at Vista Middle School. She was competing for 2nd chair with whichever of the 'hair sister's' was in that spot this week. I sat with the rest of the real band geeks up on the top riser. Raven, Stacey, and me.
Our band instructor was a dirty old man who looked like painter Bob, so it's no wonder the prettiest girls in class sat right in front of him. I didn't ever hide my distain from him - something I still need to work on when meeting people I don't particularly like. I was just a plain jane girl with low self esteem who didn't necessarily have the fashionable clothes - I tried my best, but it always fell a little short.
Fast forward to freshman year of high school. I'm not sure if I had less or more friends at this point in my life. Everyone knew who I was because my father was the Assistant Principal of my high school and I had an older brother so people had an unfair advantage where I preferred to glide under the radar. Most people either ignored me, made fun of me, or tried to make friends with me for favorable outcomes when dealing with disciplinary action at school. When someone I'd known of for a couple of years decided to be nice to me, I was skeptical.
Enter day one of high school. The first four classes I had were with her. She sat next to me in all of them, and was nice to me. From that time on our relationship has grown from acquaintances to a solid friendship. She is one of the most genuine people I know and I've watched her become a smart, loving and even more beautiful woman. And I am lucky to have met her.
Through the years I've met her boyfriends. I never liked any of them. Once again, I have a hard time controlling my distain for people when I think they fall short of expectations I have for people I love and what they deserve. Don't get me wrong, she dated some really really hot guys, some really nice people, and some HORRIBLE undeserving men... but in late winter of 2006, she 'met someone.'
Here we go again.
Like I said, I've met almost all of the guys she's dated. Most of the time I didn't have complete disdain for them, but there was always something about them that went missing, something that didn't fit, but I could never really explain what it was. But, she was my girl and no matter what - my job as good friend #1 was to judge them harshly because she wanted love, and sometimes we don't always see everything from the inside of an exciting relationship. I stood by her and held her hand when they weren't right. I played the dutiful wingman on several occasions and we had a great time doing it. We really did. I mean really. :)
So, in Spring of 2006, we made plans to have a girls night, and because she wanted me to meet him, he came to meet up with us. We were having a drink at some Tiki themed lounge in Bellevue. It was a little much, to be honest. Grass skirts, Tiki God pictures and statues everywhere... and we were two of 5 people in the bar - including the bartendar.
We sat talking about him and their first date, what he was like, how they met... and me being me I just kept wondering if he had any single cute friends... :)
I don't remember much about this first meeting. I remember thinking he wasn't as egotistical as all the other guys she dated. He had a hint of humility in his movements, and he wasn't trying to charm me. Huh. Interesting. I remember leaving the restaurant with a good feeling and happy that she finally found someone who seemed genuine. Good girl.
A few weeks later we went to a formal gathering. They came to my place and got ready. He had a sunburn, but it was divulged to me that not much was going on in the hanky panky department so he was being shy about showing it off... awwww.
At the party, I was having a flashback to highschool where my 'Ross special' dress, which didn't necessarily fit right, was paling in comparison to others in the room. The mutual friend whom we picked up on the way was causing me anxiety about my appearance because of unrequited feelings, and as the room filled up with millionaires with models attached to their arms, I felt shorter and fatter and shorter and fatter... and on and on. So, I became a wallflower with her man. As we sat in chairs watching people in the room, I watched as he watched her. He didn't get angry if she talked to other men, which when you're a girl who looks like her happens often - he just made sure she was ok. He got dressed up and went to a party because she wanted to go. He hates dressing up. He also doesn't dance. At all. Not even that silly 'wow you really shouldn't be dancing' dance. At all.
They had another party to go to after this one, so when it was time for them to leave, I left. As they dropped me off at my place, I changed my clothes and got ready for bed and at some point decided... that's him. He's the one.
So, congratulations Shana and Aaron. You're the lucky ones. You found each other.
And Shana, your bachelorette party awaits you in Vegas.
Our band instructor was a dirty old man who looked like painter Bob, so it's no wonder the prettiest girls in class sat right in front of him. I didn't ever hide my distain from him - something I still need to work on when meeting people I don't particularly like. I was just a plain jane girl with low self esteem who didn't necessarily have the fashionable clothes - I tried my best, but it always fell a little short.
Fast forward to freshman year of high school. I'm not sure if I had less or more friends at this point in my life. Everyone knew who I was because my father was the Assistant Principal of my high school and I had an older brother so people had an unfair advantage where I preferred to glide under the radar. Most people either ignored me, made fun of me, or tried to make friends with me for favorable outcomes when dealing with disciplinary action at school. When someone I'd known of for a couple of years decided to be nice to me, I was skeptical.
Enter day one of high school. The first four classes I had were with her. She sat next to me in all of them, and was nice to me. From that time on our relationship has grown from acquaintances to a solid friendship. She is one of the most genuine people I know and I've watched her become a smart, loving and even more beautiful woman. And I am lucky to have met her.
Through the years I've met her boyfriends. I never liked any of them. Once again, I have a hard time controlling my distain for people when I think they fall short of expectations I have for people I love and what they deserve. Don't get me wrong, she dated some really really hot guys, some really nice people, and some HORRIBLE undeserving men... but in late winter of 2006, she 'met someone.'
Here we go again.
Like I said, I've met almost all of the guys she's dated. Most of the time I didn't have complete disdain for them, but there was always something about them that went missing, something that didn't fit, but I could never really explain what it was. But, she was my girl and no matter what - my job as good friend #1 was to judge them harshly because she wanted love, and sometimes we don't always see everything from the inside of an exciting relationship. I stood by her and held her hand when they weren't right. I played the dutiful wingman on several occasions and we had a great time doing it. We really did. I mean really. :)
So, in Spring of 2006, we made plans to have a girls night, and because she wanted me to meet him, he came to meet up with us. We were having a drink at some Tiki themed lounge in Bellevue. It was a little much, to be honest. Grass skirts, Tiki God pictures and statues everywhere... and we were two of 5 people in the bar - including the bartendar.
We sat talking about him and their first date, what he was like, how they met... and me being me I just kept wondering if he had any single cute friends... :)
I don't remember much about this first meeting. I remember thinking he wasn't as egotistical as all the other guys she dated. He had a hint of humility in his movements, and he wasn't trying to charm me. Huh. Interesting. I remember leaving the restaurant with a good feeling and happy that she finally found someone who seemed genuine. Good girl.
A few weeks later we went to a formal gathering. They came to my place and got ready. He had a sunburn, but it was divulged to me that not much was going on in the hanky panky department so he was being shy about showing it off... awwww.
At the party, I was having a flashback to highschool where my 'Ross special' dress, which didn't necessarily fit right, was paling in comparison to others in the room. The mutual friend whom we picked up on the way was causing me anxiety about my appearance because of unrequited feelings, and as the room filled up with millionaires with models attached to their arms, I felt shorter and fatter and shorter and fatter... and on and on. So, I became a wallflower with her man. As we sat in chairs watching people in the room, I watched as he watched her. He didn't get angry if she talked to other men, which when you're a girl who looks like her happens often - he just made sure she was ok. He got dressed up and went to a party because she wanted to go. He hates dressing up. He also doesn't dance. At all. Not even that silly 'wow you really shouldn't be dancing' dance. At all.
They had another party to go to after this one, so when it was time for them to leave, I left. As they dropped me off at my place, I changed my clothes and got ready for bed and at some point decided... that's him. He's the one.
So, congratulations Shana and Aaron. You're the lucky ones. You found each other.
And Shana, your bachelorette party awaits you in Vegas.
5.08.2009
The Underdog
There's a rollercoaster effect to attraction. The slow build to the crest and then the freefall and after you get off the ride you ride the euphoric sensation until it fizzles out.
I'm off the high. I've been off the high for about a week now. The short version to end the "Eyecandy" story is this. It built to this amazing crest. I'm not even being dramatic when I say the stars aligned and you could see how everything was working in the favor of this going somewhere other than the attraction funeral home. He'd broken up with a girlfriend. We had birthdays a day apart from each other. He invited himself out. There was a lot of flirting that involved conversations about marriage and how hard it was and kids and how much responsibility there was and sick family members and ex wives and how "I knew you weren't like that the first time I met you." Things were being expressed. Things were moving forward. There was a shared attraction that neither person could deny.
I flew home the morning after and felt giddy; the smile that doesn't fade, the elevated happiness, the fast-forward of your lives together. In my case a fast forward of undeniable fun followed by a tragic ending, but all in all a great love story.
Two weeks later I'm low. I'm wondering why there is no forward movement. Why when standing in an elevator together at the end of a great evening you just look at each other while the doors close between you and you wait because surely that can't be all?
So, here I am, a little over a month to our birthdays. He's supposed to come out. He's supposed to be interested. He's supposed to not be able to function because he's thinking about me too much. There's a 95% chance he's not going to call, he's not really going to even acknowledge that he invited himself out to be with me, so all that worrying is for nothing. Then there's the hopefull 5% chance he contacts me and follows through. I've decided to plan a different birthday celebration and most of me never wants it to happen; I really want the 5% chance to prevail.
I wants the underdog to win. C'mon underdog.
I'm off the high. I've been off the high for about a week now. The short version to end the "Eyecandy" story is this. It built to this amazing crest. I'm not even being dramatic when I say the stars aligned and you could see how everything was working in the favor of this going somewhere other than the attraction funeral home. He'd broken up with a girlfriend. We had birthdays a day apart from each other. He invited himself out. There was a lot of flirting that involved conversations about marriage and how hard it was and kids and how much responsibility there was and sick family members and ex wives and how "I knew you weren't like that the first time I met you." Things were being expressed. Things were moving forward. There was a shared attraction that neither person could deny.
I flew home the morning after and felt giddy; the smile that doesn't fade, the elevated happiness, the fast-forward of your lives together. In my case a fast forward of undeniable fun followed by a tragic ending, but all in all a great love story.
Two weeks later I'm low. I'm wondering why there is no forward movement. Why when standing in an elevator together at the end of a great evening you just look at each other while the doors close between you and you wait because surely that can't be all?
So, here I am, a little over a month to our birthdays. He's supposed to come out. He's supposed to be interested. He's supposed to not be able to function because he's thinking about me too much. There's a 95% chance he's not going to call, he's not really going to even acknowledge that he invited himself out to be with me, so all that worrying is for nothing. Then there's the hopefull 5% chance he contacts me and follows through. I've decided to plan a different birthday celebration and most of me never wants it to happen; I really want the 5% chance to prevail.
I wants the underdog to win. C'mon underdog.
5.06.2009
La La Land
Hollywood is a magical place where glamorous men and women clad in the latest fashions live out ordinary lives on large screens, celebrities abound, and happy endings aren't just another part of the adult industry. Hollywood is where dreams come true.
Unless you are me.
My second work trip sent me to LA where I entered my hotel room overlooking the pool and immediately snapped a picture for a vitamin D-deprived amiga back home in the PNW. Amidst texts from she and a phone call from a college buddy who now lives near me in the desert I changed my flips out for some heels and headed downstairs to the boothing area to help set up the booth. JA was there holding down the fort as usual. Adorable as usual. It's just unfortunate because I feel huge next to her.
Apparently, our supplies have not arrived yet. No problem, we usually get there a few hours early and since we weren't the only ones missing our supplies we didn't feel as bad. The setup guys tell us we'll have our things by 3, so we wait.
As we sit, we're discussing the return trip. Apparently, I'd booked an entire extra day, so without reacting or even letting anyone know - I immediately get on the crackberry to change my flight and decide to deal with the hotel later. I'm totally sweating and feverishly hoping I don't have to pay $100 to change the flight and that I can cancel the hotel before it's too late.
And then it happens
I glance up to see Eyecandy walking into the room. Since I was in the middle of changing my flight on my phone I didn't give him the reception he deserved (applause, confetti, musical accompaniment...)and I'm pretty sure this set the tone for the two days we were there. He was not as flirtatious as the first time we met. In fact, if I didn't know better, he seemed uncomfortable around me or that he was purposefully avoiding me. Either way it was clear...goodbye great memory, it was fun while it lasted.
We finally got our supplies and were able to set up moments (I mean a literal 5 minutes) before the happy hour that was happening in the same room we were in. Just in time. JA invited me to dinner with her and a friend, so I decided to do that, even though I really just wanted to go upstairs and look out over the pool. No qt with eyecandy. sigh. It really was fun while it lasted even if it only lasted 4 days.
Next morning gets me up pretty early. I head down to meet up with JA outfitted in some much better looking threads than I had the time before complete with new adorable heels. I felt good, I looked good, and I was in LA the place where dreams come true. There was one minor snag in my morning - the sweater I bought had one of those huge tags on it that you have to cut off and I didn't have scissors. I'd have to stop at the bell desk on my way down.
I meet up with JA, get my morning coffee, and head over to the bell desk to cut off this ridiculous tag. Most of the morning I've been traversing the lobby in front of a bar area with patrons drinking their morning coffee or reading the paper. As I head to the bell desk I think I see Eyecandy out of the corner of my eye. Mental note: check on my way back. In the meantime, the bellman has a great time pointing out that you're supposed to take the tags off before you get dressed.. yadda yadda. Thanks buddy...
I try to slyly look over to see if it is in fact Eyecandy and to my astonishment, he's looking straight at me! I walk over to say good morning, get some good small talk in and am greeted with a morning hug...sigh with a smile... We chit chat for a minute or so and I invite him over to sit with JA and I. He declines-something about outlets for his computer-and I excuse myself to go back over to JA and my coffee.
I'm standing in front of JA reveling in my morning hug moment and she says four words that ruin the moment, "your zipper is down."
OH COME ON! My morning hug sullied by an overlooked zipper! Did he see that? I zip up my zipper and try to pretend like it's no big deal and the whole way downstairs I'm thinking... you're so lame. so lame! I can't take you anywhere.
We head to the room were sitting in for the entire day. What a boring day. Eyecandy isn't really around much, I mean who would be.. it's lame in here, but at least they have a good breakfast spread. I think by the time I visit the restroom for the first time I've ingested 32 oz of fluids and it's time to go.
Here's a pivotal point in my life. Ever since moving to the desert I've had to deal with cockroaches. They're in my kitchen. They're in my bathroom, they're dead under the sink at work and they gross me out. I'll never forget the first time I saw one. I think it was the same reaction I had when I jumped off the pier into Puget Sound at leadership camp. I vaguely remember someone jumping in and helping me swim to shore because my body completely - and quite literally - froze and I couldn't breathe. Dealing with them involves a can of raid and checking the floor before entering the room. I digress.
Anyway, I'm headed to the bathroom to do my thing. Walk in, do my newly found routine of checking the area lest I get stuck in close quarters with a bug, and find a bugless stall. About 13 seconds (that might be long enough to be ready to pull the pants down) I hear a woman exit her stall and say "Bug. Big bug. REALLY big bug." ok. I gotta check this out. As I exit the stall (pants up and zipped, thank you)I find a woman standing to my right, and as I look to see where she is pointing I almost lose it.
There in front of me is my worst nightmare.
You know when you start to feel like you're getting sick, so you look up your symptoms on WebMD and by the time you're done you're convinced you have 'the big c?' That's what I did when I started to research my enemy: the cockroach. And I found these pictures of these enormous creatures that couldn't possibly exist. They must have been photoshopped. But here I stand, in front of a bug that is quite possibly the size of my foot. I ran.
I get back to the booth. I'm shaken. My faith in this hotel is non existant and I'm grateful to the woman who saved my life in the bathroom. And here is Eyecandy watching me turn into a little girl. Sigh.
At one point during the day I'm sitting next to Eyecandy and I ask him about his trip to Las Vegas over Valentine's day weekend. His response shocked me. "Oh, yeah, it was fun. It was just me and a couple buddies..." pretty much everything after that had me reeling... what! No romantic Valentine's day with your non-flatulent musical girlfriend?!?!? smile. And you were out of town for Valentine's day which means....there might not be a fabulous girlfriend... exciting!
And, true to form, at the end of the conference I have to say something embarrassing. It goes like this: after two glasses of wine, we're packing up and I go over to say goodbye. I get my hug and pull away to say "You should call me if you're ever in town..." almost as if I have no control over what comes out of my mouth and it's out there hanging in the air between us before I can grab it and put it back in. That was pretty forward for me and I'm pretty sure he was just as caught off guard. But, he gave me the shootdown in the form of "Uh, yeah. I have your linkedin."
Why do I even open my mouth.? Why?
Unless you are me.
My second work trip sent me to LA where I entered my hotel room overlooking the pool and immediately snapped a picture for a vitamin D-deprived amiga back home in the PNW. Amidst texts from she and a phone call from a college buddy who now lives near me in the desert I changed my flips out for some heels and headed downstairs to the boothing area to help set up the booth. JA was there holding down the fort as usual. Adorable as usual. It's just unfortunate because I feel huge next to her.
Apparently, our supplies have not arrived yet. No problem, we usually get there a few hours early and since we weren't the only ones missing our supplies we didn't feel as bad. The setup guys tell us we'll have our things by 3, so we wait.
As we sit, we're discussing the return trip. Apparently, I'd booked an entire extra day, so without reacting or even letting anyone know - I immediately get on the crackberry to change my flight and decide to deal with the hotel later. I'm totally sweating and feverishly hoping I don't have to pay $100 to change the flight and that I can cancel the hotel before it's too late.
And then it happens
I glance up to see Eyecandy walking into the room. Since I was in the middle of changing my flight on my phone I didn't give him the reception he deserved (applause, confetti, musical accompaniment...)and I'm pretty sure this set the tone for the two days we were there. He was not as flirtatious as the first time we met. In fact, if I didn't know better, he seemed uncomfortable around me or that he was purposefully avoiding me. Either way it was clear...goodbye great memory, it was fun while it lasted.
We finally got our supplies and were able to set up moments (I mean a literal 5 minutes) before the happy hour that was happening in the same room we were in. Just in time. JA invited me to dinner with her and a friend, so I decided to do that, even though I really just wanted to go upstairs and look out over the pool. No qt with eyecandy. sigh. It really was fun while it lasted even if it only lasted 4 days.
Next morning gets me up pretty early. I head down to meet up with JA outfitted in some much better looking threads than I had the time before complete with new adorable heels. I felt good, I looked good, and I was in LA the place where dreams come true. There was one minor snag in my morning - the sweater I bought had one of those huge tags on it that you have to cut off and I didn't have scissors. I'd have to stop at the bell desk on my way down.
I meet up with JA, get my morning coffee, and head over to the bell desk to cut off this ridiculous tag. Most of the morning I've been traversing the lobby in front of a bar area with patrons drinking their morning coffee or reading the paper. As I head to the bell desk I think I see Eyecandy out of the corner of my eye. Mental note: check on my way back. In the meantime, the bellman has a great time pointing out that you're supposed to take the tags off before you get dressed.. yadda yadda. Thanks buddy...
I try to slyly look over to see if it is in fact Eyecandy and to my astonishment, he's looking straight at me! I walk over to say good morning, get some good small talk in and am greeted with a morning hug...sigh with a smile... We chit chat for a minute or so and I invite him over to sit with JA and I. He declines-something about outlets for his computer-and I excuse myself to go back over to JA and my coffee.
I'm standing in front of JA reveling in my morning hug moment and she says four words that ruin the moment, "your zipper is down."
OH COME ON! My morning hug sullied by an overlooked zipper! Did he see that? I zip up my zipper and try to pretend like it's no big deal and the whole way downstairs I'm thinking... you're so lame. so lame! I can't take you anywhere.
We head to the room were sitting in for the entire day. What a boring day. Eyecandy isn't really around much, I mean who would be.. it's lame in here, but at least they have a good breakfast spread. I think by the time I visit the restroom for the first time I've ingested 32 oz of fluids and it's time to go.
Here's a pivotal point in my life. Ever since moving to the desert I've had to deal with cockroaches. They're in my kitchen. They're in my bathroom, they're dead under the sink at work and they gross me out. I'll never forget the first time I saw one. I think it was the same reaction I had when I jumped off the pier into Puget Sound at leadership camp. I vaguely remember someone jumping in and helping me swim to shore because my body completely - and quite literally - froze and I couldn't breathe. Dealing with them involves a can of raid and checking the floor before entering the room. I digress.
Anyway, I'm headed to the bathroom to do my thing. Walk in, do my newly found routine of checking the area lest I get stuck in close quarters with a bug, and find a bugless stall. About 13 seconds (that might be long enough to be ready to pull the pants down) I hear a woman exit her stall and say "Bug. Big bug. REALLY big bug." ok. I gotta check this out. As I exit the stall (pants up and zipped, thank you)I find a woman standing to my right, and as I look to see where she is pointing I almost lose it.
There in front of me is my worst nightmare.
You know when you start to feel like you're getting sick, so you look up your symptoms on WebMD and by the time you're done you're convinced you have 'the big c?' That's what I did when I started to research my enemy: the cockroach. And I found these pictures of these enormous creatures that couldn't possibly exist. They must have been photoshopped. But here I stand, in front of a bug that is quite possibly the size of my foot. I ran.
I get back to the booth. I'm shaken. My faith in this hotel is non existant and I'm grateful to the woman who saved my life in the bathroom. And here is Eyecandy watching me turn into a little girl. Sigh.
At one point during the day I'm sitting next to Eyecandy and I ask him about his trip to Las Vegas over Valentine's day weekend. His response shocked me. "Oh, yeah, it was fun. It was just me and a couple buddies..." pretty much everything after that had me reeling... what! No romantic Valentine's day with your non-flatulent musical girlfriend?!?!? smile. And you were out of town for Valentine's day which means....there might not be a fabulous girlfriend... exciting!
And, true to form, at the end of the conference I have to say something embarrassing. It goes like this: after two glasses of wine, we're packing up and I go over to say goodbye. I get my hug and pull away to say "You should call me if you're ever in town..." almost as if I have no control over what comes out of my mouth and it's out there hanging in the air between us before I can grab it and put it back in. That was pretty forward for me and I'm pretty sure he was just as caught off guard. But, he gave me the shootdown in the form of "Uh, yeah. I have your linkedin."
Why do I even open my mouth.? Why?
5.04.2009
Fire In Your Eyes
I fell in love for the first time at 16. I didn't take long; it never does. I used to get dizzy when he would kiss me. I'd lose my train of thought if he was standing close to me. Touching him made the room spin.
I met him at a hs dance that was put on as a fundraiser for an afterschool activity I was part of. He was one of four people who showed up. I walked over to ask his friend to dance, but of course he'd asked D already. D was the gorgeous one. D was thin with long golden hair and a bright welcoming smile - she always got the guy. But, instead of retreating, I instead asked his dark haired friend to dance. JO.
He was the first guy to scare me enough to envoke fight-or-flight. I ran from him. I avoided him. And when he called one night I just let him go. I used to blame it on the fact that my parents were getting a divorce and I couldn't handle it, but if I were to be completely honest it was because I liked him so much it hurt. And he liked me back. I'm pretty sure he was the last guy to really like me as much as he did.
He used to write me letters. Love letters. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I have authentic love letters. Handwritten, lined notebook paper, bad handwriting, bad jokes, and old nicknames love letters. I still have them sitting in a small box in my closet. There is one in particular that on my darkest days, I'll take out and read. There is a line in it that keeps me going when it seems like I've lost hope or faith or footing. It brings me back to a time when I knew what I wanted and nothing was going to stand in my way.
There is a fire in your eyes that I can't explain...
I'd held this in my heart for years. Wondered where he went and what he ended up doing with his life. I got my answer and a giant kick in the gut a few years back.
I was at a football game with my aunt. We had amazing seats and spent our morning screaming along with the rest of the crowd. Partially through the second quarter, I kept hearing someone call my name - which happens often because, well it's not like my name is obscure. But then he yelled my full name. I turned to see who I thought was an old friend from college. Thirty seconds later it hit me and I slowly turned to see him smiling at me. We met up to get beers at the 1/2 and the first thing he said was "I've been looking for you for years. You're the hardest person to find. Thank you for the flowers. "
His brother died on a backcountry hiking trip and the first time I'd seen JO in years was when he was on TV talking about it. He looked horrible, as to be expected, but his hair was too long, he was thin and unshaven. He looked like he'd had a hard life. Turns out he'd been on a research ship for months and came back to find out his brother was missing. I sent flowers, but the florist wouldn't give him my information.
Fast forward 4 or 5 years and he's standing in front of me. We are both just looking at each other smiling and saying things like... where are you, what are you doing, where are you living? Are you married? Kids? No to both. And then he said something else I'll never forget:
"I thought you'd be in Europe by now.." so did I. So. Did. I. Life happens.
I dropped him off at his friend's house the next morning. He was pretty quiet on the way and I was giggling about the whole thing. Too funny. He opened the door and turned to face me and said, "I'll call you." The thoughts came quickly I need paper to write down my, you don't know my, oh you don't want my... I'm pretty sure my face said what my voice wanted to but couldn't. As disappointments go, this was a big one.
His wedding was the next week. I lost respect for him when he closed the door to my car and walked across the street. He was a small catalyst to where I am now and a daily reminder that no matter who they are... some people just have a hold on you.
Someday I'll burn the letters and prom picture. But, as horrible as a memory as I have of him now, he is still part of my favorite memory from that time. Dancing in a castle.
I met him at a hs dance that was put on as a fundraiser for an afterschool activity I was part of. He was one of four people who showed up. I walked over to ask his friend to dance, but of course he'd asked D already. D was the gorgeous one. D was thin with long golden hair and a bright welcoming smile - she always got the guy. But, instead of retreating, I instead asked his dark haired friend to dance. JO.
He was the first guy to scare me enough to envoke fight-or-flight. I ran from him. I avoided him. And when he called one night I just let him go. I used to blame it on the fact that my parents were getting a divorce and I couldn't handle it, but if I were to be completely honest it was because I liked him so much it hurt. And he liked me back. I'm pretty sure he was the last guy to really like me as much as he did.
He used to write me letters. Love letters. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I have authentic love letters. Handwritten, lined notebook paper, bad handwriting, bad jokes, and old nicknames love letters. I still have them sitting in a small box in my closet. There is one in particular that on my darkest days, I'll take out and read. There is a line in it that keeps me going when it seems like I've lost hope or faith or footing. It brings me back to a time when I knew what I wanted and nothing was going to stand in my way.
There is a fire in your eyes that I can't explain...
I'd held this in my heart for years. Wondered where he went and what he ended up doing with his life. I got my answer and a giant kick in the gut a few years back.
I was at a football game with my aunt. We had amazing seats and spent our morning screaming along with the rest of the crowd. Partially through the second quarter, I kept hearing someone call my name - which happens often because, well it's not like my name is obscure. But then he yelled my full name. I turned to see who I thought was an old friend from college. Thirty seconds later it hit me and I slowly turned to see him smiling at me. We met up to get beers at the 1/2 and the first thing he said was "I've been looking for you for years. You're the hardest person to find. Thank you for the flowers. "
His brother died on a backcountry hiking trip and the first time I'd seen JO in years was when he was on TV talking about it. He looked horrible, as to be expected, but his hair was too long, he was thin and unshaven. He looked like he'd had a hard life. Turns out he'd been on a research ship for months and came back to find out his brother was missing. I sent flowers, but the florist wouldn't give him my information.
Fast forward 4 or 5 years and he's standing in front of me. We are both just looking at each other smiling and saying things like... where are you, what are you doing, where are you living? Are you married? Kids? No to both. And then he said something else I'll never forget:
"I thought you'd be in Europe by now.." so did I. So. Did. I. Life happens.
I dropped him off at his friend's house the next morning. He was pretty quiet on the way and I was giggling about the whole thing. Too funny. He opened the door and turned to face me and said, "I'll call you." The thoughts came quickly I need paper to write down my, you don't know my, oh you don't want my... I'm pretty sure my face said what my voice wanted to but couldn't. As disappointments go, this was a big one.
His wedding was the next week. I lost respect for him when he closed the door to my car and walked across the street. He was a small catalyst to where I am now and a daily reminder that no matter who they are... some people just have a hold on you.
Someday I'll burn the letters and prom picture. But, as horrible as a memory as I have of him now, he is still part of my favorite memory from that time. Dancing in a castle.
Weekend plans!
I've been in Vegas for four months now. Most of my weekends are spent doing nothing. When I say nothing, I really mean nothing. It's really been a pretty huge blow to my ego. I was a social person in Seattle. I had happy hours, a busy schedule, and friends. Funny friends. I mean, I still talk to all of these friends and was even able to visit them when I went home this past week which of course makes it harder to come back here.
I come back to Vegas and I realize how bored I am. To add insult to injury, I'm trying to find hobbies, but all the hobbies I like to do are outside - which in a few days is going to be hard to do since it'll be 98 Degrees on Wed. I'm so nervous. I don't have AC. I'm not prepared for living here. I need an entirely new wardrobe, one that comes complete with shorts which I hate wearing. They make me feel horrible. Guess I'll get used to it.
Somehow, though, I've managed to make plans every week for the next month. People are (thank god) going to be in town and they are going to hang out! Yay! Thank god for living in a tourist destination!
I come back to Vegas and I realize how bored I am. To add insult to injury, I'm trying to find hobbies, but all the hobbies I like to do are outside - which in a few days is going to be hard to do since it'll be 98 Degrees on Wed. I'm so nervous. I don't have AC. I'm not prepared for living here. I need an entirely new wardrobe, one that comes complete with shorts which I hate wearing. They make me feel horrible. Guess I'll get used to it.
Somehow, though, I've managed to make plans every week for the next month. People are (thank god) going to be in town and they are going to hang out! Yay! Thank god for living in a tourist destination!
4.29.2009
She Doesn't Have Gas
I’m starving. Where is RY? We were going to meet for a drink, but I figured I’d get something small to eat at the same time. WHY am I still waiting in my room at 6:45 with no word? I know as soon as I head to the bar he’ll call and say “I’m here!” and I will have just ordered. Better to just wait. Still. I’m starving. I hear the bike bell chime on my phone, thank god. It’s about time. ’Hey MK, just landed, I’ll head to get my car and then head over.’ Seriously? Its 7pm, you’re totally not going to get here until 8 and I’m starving. There’s no restaurants in the area so we’re just going to end up in the bar area anyway. “Ok, I’m going to head down to the bar.” Grumble grumble. I turn the TV off and head down in the elevator.
When the elevator doors open, I can hear the voices before I even get to the lobby bar. Sounds like there’s a party going on. Oh, that’s right. There was that “Welcome” happy hour before the show starts. I wanted to go to that, but not alone. But it should be over by now… When I round the corner, it looks like happy hour never ended. The ‘U’ shaped bar area is full, and there is nowhere to sit and save a seat for RY. I walk towards one side, and then back to the other looking for an empty seat next to someone who will be friendly, but not too friendly. I find a single seat near the end of the bar sandwiched between who seems to be the bar regular and a normal-looking guy who could be part of this conference. RY’s comment goes through my head as I sit down “You’re going to get hit on a lot MK.” Great. I just want food. And maybe a beer.
As I belly up to the bar I glance to my left to see who is sitting next to me and realize it’s my sales guys. “Hey! I didn’t know you guys were coming down. That’s weird that the only seat left in the bar was next to you! Sort of perfect.” AN and SC were sales guys I met briefly before moving to the Las Vegas office. They seemed nice enough, but very ‘guy’ like. Sports talk, golf, games… not necessarily my strengths. I can hold my own, but I’m so not interested. Thankful for the company I’m chatting with them and they’re joking with me about the lack of my voice (I’d lost my voice for absolutely no reason the night before my first trade show) and teasing me about my Britney Spears concert I must have gone to the night before (which I did not. She wasn’t going to be in Vegas for another month.) The whole time I’m getting distracted by a man sitting in my line of vision at the mid-point of the bar; light hair, quiet confidence and understated good looks.
He was eating and talking with someone next to him though I couldn’t see who. His upper body was turned toward them when talking, but his lower body was turned towards his food which he was eating slowly while nodding to the other person. He looked up and caught me looking at him, but I didn’t care. Unusual for me, I usually pretend like I was scanning the room and never look back but this time I made eye contact with him a couple of times before I did the extended-eye-contact-and-smile-for-three-to-five-seconds move. Trying to flirt unsuspectingly across a room while sitting with colleagues is difficult. I wanted this guy to know I thought he was good looking so I had to hold eye contact for at least three seconds; something that has been extremely hard for me in similar situations from the past. For some reason it was easy to do with him. He reciprocated with his own I-see-you-seeing-me look and then I was distracted by RY’s arrival. I got up to give RY a hug, and help him find a seat. When I looked back to find him he was gone.
I don’t remember the first time I noticed him, but I noticed him over and over and over again. My memory has him bathed in light, but it may just be that he had light hair and a light colored shirt in a sea of black. I liked the way he sat. I liked the way he moved (not that he moved much, but I liked it when he did – hand to mouth and back down). I’d probably like the way he breathed, but that’s neither here nor there. In that moment this man was perfect and he noticed me and he didn’t seem to mind me noticing him. I couldn’t help but smile and that was enough to keep me smiling for days. I didn’t really want him to come over and talk because of all the ‘what ifs:’ you know, what if he had a high pitched voice (doubt it, he’s way too beautiful for that) what if he smelled bad (I’m pretty sure he would smell amazing) what if he was a jerk (that was still possible – guys that good looking are typically armed with an aloof and smug attitude to match). Better for him to stay where he is - in my head as a great smelling, attentive and kind gentleman with an attraction to me.
How fun is it to have a little flirtation, even if it never goes anywhere? Non-verbal flirtation is almost better because you can use your imagination for their wit. It’s usually exactly what you’d want them to say and you can respond with your own witty and charming responses. There is always chemistry and they are always smart. “How are you today?” “I’m fine thanks. You’re looking particularly handsome today. Would you like to take me away to a tropical location and have your way with me? Great. Let’s go.”
After my team left I looked over towards where he was sitting – maybe he’d come back in for one last heart pounding moment of eye contact. That space was empty, but that smile still lingered in my head. Sigh. I turned my attention to the funny looking indie New Yorker sitting next to me. We chatted about my company, his company, the trade show and my strained vocal chords. Funny looking man then informed me that the reason my voice was coming back after I was drinking was probably because I had a bacterial infection and the alcohol was killing bits of it. Great. That’s sexy. Totally takes away from the fact that my voice is that sultry ‘I’ve-been-smoking–for-twenty-years-and-this-is-what-my-voice-has-turned-into’… why is a smoker's voice supposedly a sultry or sexy voice? It’s actually disgusting when you think about it.
As I got ready the next morning trying to prepare myself for what the day held, I had no idea what to expect or what I should even wear. My clothes for this trip were not sufficient to make me feel very good looking or at all confident. Friday afternoon notice was all I had to prepare and plan for this Monday morning trip and I needed all the money I had for the travel expenses. My pants didn’t fit right – they were too big and too long. I haven’t had time to hem them correctly so every time I walk down a flight of stairs my heel is in jeopardy of catching the hem which could send me flying down the stairs head over feet. Not the first time that would happen, but still. I’m at my first professional event, I need to be suave. If not suave, at least I could fly under the radar and not make an ass out of myself.
I head downstairs to meet JA for our much anticipated trip to Starbucks, which we had to take a cab to because there aren’t many food options within walking distance. We pile into the cab, grab our coffees and head back to the booth. Standing at the edge of the booth looking in I could see down the aisle to prepare myself for when people started to come in and ask questions. I had no idea how to correctly answer prospective clients when asked, “So, tell me what you guys do.” AN, SC, JA and I are chatting and laughing in the booth when I catch a glimpse of something that has me do a double take. The beautiful man from the night before is in the room. Walking towards me. Looking straight at me. You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s walking over here. Looking straight at me. Is he insane?!?!? Is he seriously going to come talk to me first thing in the morning – in front of my co-workers? You know Katie, that would be just your luck. To be completely embarrassed by a guy who caught your eye at a bar the night before just by having him walk up to you and talk to you by saying something like “didn’t I see you checking me out last night? Thought I’d come over and introduce myself since I could absolutely tell you think I’m …” I interrupt my own thoughts to focus on something other than complete embarrassment walking my way. JA is talking about what is going to happen for the day - selling our company, that’s probably important since that’s what I’m here for, and I’m not going to engage with that guy right now so I’ll just focus on what’s going on In the booth.
“Oh, you’re here.” JA says as she looks to the space next to me. You’re kidding me. No. Effing. Way! “Hi.” He’s standing shoulder to shoulder with me and extends his hand across his body to shake mine. He says his name as I offer my hand to shake his and say, “Hi. I’m Katie.” I’m sure the handshake lasted a beat longer than normal, and the smile I was trying to hide seemed like it was obvious to everyone. I was focused on making sure my face didn’t explode into laughter, giggles or the embarrassing red hue which typically accompanies this particular situation. It was strange. My face didn’t turn hot, I didn’t start sweating, and I was able to keep my composure – just like a professional. It was the calmest uncomfortable situation I’ve ever been a part of.
I wasn’t sure what to do since this was my first trade show. I had no idea where to stand, what to look at, who to talk to or what to say. Add in the fact that there is a man in the booth I can’t keep my eyes off of. I keep looking at him and when he catches me, I don’t care. I don’t look away. I just smile. I’m not even hiding it anymore. I just like looking at him.
There are some awkward moments of course; moments where I try to talk to a prospective client and try to sell him something that I’m not sure I completely understand myself. My face turns red, I sweat profusely and stumble on my words trying to complete sentences and answer questions that I don’t even understand. It’s humiliating and entertaining all at once. I’m experiencing so many emotions all at the same time and all I want to do is get locked in a room with this handsome creature that I apparently work with and didn’t even know it. At one point I look at him as he’s standing at the edge of the booth with his hands in his pockets and think, he would be nice to walk down the aisle to. WHAT. Whoa, where did that just come from? Snap out of it! This guy is totally married or at the least has a girlfriend. She’s probably tall and thin with long legs and perfect teeth. She never has gas and music follows her everywhere she goes. She is Jennifer Anniston, Zooey Deschanel and Megan Fox with Ginnifer Goodwin’s adorable personality. She’s successful and smart and has him wrapped around her finger. And it probably has a huge rock on it. Sigh.
As the day progressed, I learned more about how to answer the questions posed to us about our company. I also had eye candy to focus on right in my own booth. There were lots of lasting moments of eye contact and smiles. Banter with colleagues, banter with prospective clients, banter all around. At some point I found out I was the only person who had access to a special area for hotel guests where you could use the internet, grab coffee, water, juice and snacks as well as watch TV or grab a magazine. I’m still unsure why I had this privilege, but it did allow me some one on one time with my own personal eye candy as we walked to get him some coffee and some waters for the rest of the group. I’m pretty sure I talked his ear off. No matter, I’ll probably never see him again and he’s most likely married – no ring per say, but he looks like the married type. Nicely groomed, well put together and quietly confident. A guy like that is never single. Sigh. Oh well. He’s out of my league anyway.
That night we all went out for a team dinner. I tried to position myself next to him in the cab, but because he’s a gentleman he let everyone in first and took the seat up front. I’m pretty sure that’s an amateur move on my part, but I never said I was good at this. The guys I date tend to forget I’m waiting to get in as well and let the cabbie drive off without me. As we’re seated at the table, he sits next to me. We’re all chatting and laughing and then he says “So, was that your boyfriend at the booth?” I hear JA almost choke on her water. He looks at JA and says “I’ll take that as a no.” He was referring to RY, who kept stopping by the booth to say hello and pass some time in between sessions. I told him he wasn’t but that he was a former colleague and his response was “Oh, I just thought he was since he would stop by to check in so often.” Heh. Nope, but I’m pretty sure you were just fishing for a little info there. I like you. You’re adorable. Your girlfriend is so lucky.
The rest of the show went by fairly quickly. A little too quickly because I didn’t want to leave my new favorite man, and as the show neared the end I was a little sad, but what can you do really? I was the first one to leave. Eye Candy decided he wanted to check his email on my laptop before I took off. I was joking with him that he was holding me hostage. “What are your demands, sir?” He laughed. What I really wanted him to say was something like “I’d like you to miss your flight so you have to stay an extra night and we can go to dinner and have more flirtatious eye contact. Maybe some flirtatious banter away from co-workers so I can get your story.” My luck is interesting, but not that good. So, it was time for me to leave and I stood in the booth looking at him. ‘Well, it was nice meeting you.” Awkward smile and pause. I thought maybe he’d say “Do you have a card?” or “Here’s my card” or “You are adorable. I’m going to call you when I’m in Vegas this weekend (Valentines’ day weekend) even though I’m probably bringing my hot wife/girlfriend. You’re just that interesting to me and I want to find out more about you.” All he said was, “Nice to meet you too.” Then after a beat, he opened his arms to give me a hug. Smile.
He smelled nice. He felt nice. I fit in ‘the nook’. I didn’t want to leave. I smiled for a week after that. It really is the small things in life. There were no numbers exchanged. There was no when can I see you again? When are we shacking up together? When do I get my first kiss?
Nothing.
When the elevator doors open, I can hear the voices before I even get to the lobby bar. Sounds like there’s a party going on. Oh, that’s right. There was that “Welcome” happy hour before the show starts. I wanted to go to that, but not alone. But it should be over by now… When I round the corner, it looks like happy hour never ended. The ‘U’ shaped bar area is full, and there is nowhere to sit and save a seat for RY. I walk towards one side, and then back to the other looking for an empty seat next to someone who will be friendly, but not too friendly. I find a single seat near the end of the bar sandwiched between who seems to be the bar regular and a normal-looking guy who could be part of this conference. RY’s comment goes through my head as I sit down “You’re going to get hit on a lot MK.” Great. I just want food. And maybe a beer.
As I belly up to the bar I glance to my left to see who is sitting next to me and realize it’s my sales guys. “Hey! I didn’t know you guys were coming down. That’s weird that the only seat left in the bar was next to you! Sort of perfect.” AN and SC were sales guys I met briefly before moving to the Las Vegas office. They seemed nice enough, but very ‘guy’ like. Sports talk, golf, games… not necessarily my strengths. I can hold my own, but I’m so not interested. Thankful for the company I’m chatting with them and they’re joking with me about the lack of my voice (I’d lost my voice for absolutely no reason the night before my first trade show) and teasing me about my Britney Spears concert I must have gone to the night before (which I did not. She wasn’t going to be in Vegas for another month.) The whole time I’m getting distracted by a man sitting in my line of vision at the mid-point of the bar; light hair, quiet confidence and understated good looks.
He was eating and talking with someone next to him though I couldn’t see who. His upper body was turned toward them when talking, but his lower body was turned towards his food which he was eating slowly while nodding to the other person. He looked up and caught me looking at him, but I didn’t care. Unusual for me, I usually pretend like I was scanning the room and never look back but this time I made eye contact with him a couple of times before I did the extended-eye-contact-and-smile-for-three-to-five-seconds move. Trying to flirt unsuspectingly across a room while sitting with colleagues is difficult. I wanted this guy to know I thought he was good looking so I had to hold eye contact for at least three seconds; something that has been extremely hard for me in similar situations from the past. For some reason it was easy to do with him. He reciprocated with his own I-see-you-seeing-me look and then I was distracted by RY’s arrival. I got up to give RY a hug, and help him find a seat. When I looked back to find him he was gone.
I don’t remember the first time I noticed him, but I noticed him over and over and over again. My memory has him bathed in light, but it may just be that he had light hair and a light colored shirt in a sea of black. I liked the way he sat. I liked the way he moved (not that he moved much, but I liked it when he did – hand to mouth and back down). I’d probably like the way he breathed, but that’s neither here nor there. In that moment this man was perfect and he noticed me and he didn’t seem to mind me noticing him. I couldn’t help but smile and that was enough to keep me smiling for days. I didn’t really want him to come over and talk because of all the ‘what ifs:’ you know, what if he had a high pitched voice (doubt it, he’s way too beautiful for that) what if he smelled bad (I’m pretty sure he would smell amazing) what if he was a jerk (that was still possible – guys that good looking are typically armed with an aloof and smug attitude to match). Better for him to stay where he is - in my head as a great smelling, attentive and kind gentleman with an attraction to me.
How fun is it to have a little flirtation, even if it never goes anywhere? Non-verbal flirtation is almost better because you can use your imagination for their wit. It’s usually exactly what you’d want them to say and you can respond with your own witty and charming responses. There is always chemistry and they are always smart. “How are you today?” “I’m fine thanks. You’re looking particularly handsome today. Would you like to take me away to a tropical location and have your way with me? Great. Let’s go.”
After my team left I looked over towards where he was sitting – maybe he’d come back in for one last heart pounding moment of eye contact. That space was empty, but that smile still lingered in my head. Sigh. I turned my attention to the funny looking indie New Yorker sitting next to me. We chatted about my company, his company, the trade show and my strained vocal chords. Funny looking man then informed me that the reason my voice was coming back after I was drinking was probably because I had a bacterial infection and the alcohol was killing bits of it. Great. That’s sexy. Totally takes away from the fact that my voice is that sultry ‘I’ve-been-smoking–for-twenty-years-and-this-is-what-my-voice-has-turned-into’… why is a smoker's voice supposedly a sultry or sexy voice? It’s actually disgusting when you think about it.
As I got ready the next morning trying to prepare myself for what the day held, I had no idea what to expect or what I should even wear. My clothes for this trip were not sufficient to make me feel very good looking or at all confident. Friday afternoon notice was all I had to prepare and plan for this Monday morning trip and I needed all the money I had for the travel expenses. My pants didn’t fit right – they were too big and too long. I haven’t had time to hem them correctly so every time I walk down a flight of stairs my heel is in jeopardy of catching the hem which could send me flying down the stairs head over feet. Not the first time that would happen, but still. I’m at my first professional event, I need to be suave. If not suave, at least I could fly under the radar and not make an ass out of myself.
I head downstairs to meet JA for our much anticipated trip to Starbucks, which we had to take a cab to because there aren’t many food options within walking distance. We pile into the cab, grab our coffees and head back to the booth. Standing at the edge of the booth looking in I could see down the aisle to prepare myself for when people started to come in and ask questions. I had no idea how to correctly answer prospective clients when asked, “So, tell me what you guys do.” AN, SC, JA and I are chatting and laughing in the booth when I catch a glimpse of something that has me do a double take. The beautiful man from the night before is in the room. Walking towards me. Looking straight at me. You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s walking over here. Looking straight at me. Is he insane?!?!? Is he seriously going to come talk to me first thing in the morning – in front of my co-workers? You know Katie, that would be just your luck. To be completely embarrassed by a guy who caught your eye at a bar the night before just by having him walk up to you and talk to you by saying something like “didn’t I see you checking me out last night? Thought I’d come over and introduce myself since I could absolutely tell you think I’m …” I interrupt my own thoughts to focus on something other than complete embarrassment walking my way. JA is talking about what is going to happen for the day - selling our company, that’s probably important since that’s what I’m here for, and I’m not going to engage with that guy right now so I’ll just focus on what’s going on In the booth.
“Oh, you’re here.” JA says as she looks to the space next to me. You’re kidding me. No. Effing. Way! “Hi.” He’s standing shoulder to shoulder with me and extends his hand across his body to shake mine. He says his name as I offer my hand to shake his and say, “Hi. I’m Katie.” I’m sure the handshake lasted a beat longer than normal, and the smile I was trying to hide seemed like it was obvious to everyone. I was focused on making sure my face didn’t explode into laughter, giggles or the embarrassing red hue which typically accompanies this particular situation. It was strange. My face didn’t turn hot, I didn’t start sweating, and I was able to keep my composure – just like a professional. It was the calmest uncomfortable situation I’ve ever been a part of.
I wasn’t sure what to do since this was my first trade show. I had no idea where to stand, what to look at, who to talk to or what to say. Add in the fact that there is a man in the booth I can’t keep my eyes off of. I keep looking at him and when he catches me, I don’t care. I don’t look away. I just smile. I’m not even hiding it anymore. I just like looking at him.
There are some awkward moments of course; moments where I try to talk to a prospective client and try to sell him something that I’m not sure I completely understand myself. My face turns red, I sweat profusely and stumble on my words trying to complete sentences and answer questions that I don’t even understand. It’s humiliating and entertaining all at once. I’m experiencing so many emotions all at the same time and all I want to do is get locked in a room with this handsome creature that I apparently work with and didn’t even know it. At one point I look at him as he’s standing at the edge of the booth with his hands in his pockets and think, he would be nice to walk down the aisle to. WHAT. Whoa, where did that just come from? Snap out of it! This guy is totally married or at the least has a girlfriend. She’s probably tall and thin with long legs and perfect teeth. She never has gas and music follows her everywhere she goes. She is Jennifer Anniston, Zooey Deschanel and Megan Fox with Ginnifer Goodwin’s adorable personality. She’s successful and smart and has him wrapped around her finger. And it probably has a huge rock on it. Sigh.
As the day progressed, I learned more about how to answer the questions posed to us about our company. I also had eye candy to focus on right in my own booth. There were lots of lasting moments of eye contact and smiles. Banter with colleagues, banter with prospective clients, banter all around. At some point I found out I was the only person who had access to a special area for hotel guests where you could use the internet, grab coffee, water, juice and snacks as well as watch TV or grab a magazine. I’m still unsure why I had this privilege, but it did allow me some one on one time with my own personal eye candy as we walked to get him some coffee and some waters for the rest of the group. I’m pretty sure I talked his ear off. No matter, I’ll probably never see him again and he’s most likely married – no ring per say, but he looks like the married type. Nicely groomed, well put together and quietly confident. A guy like that is never single. Sigh. Oh well. He’s out of my league anyway.
That night we all went out for a team dinner. I tried to position myself next to him in the cab, but because he’s a gentleman he let everyone in first and took the seat up front. I’m pretty sure that’s an amateur move on my part, but I never said I was good at this. The guys I date tend to forget I’m waiting to get in as well and let the cabbie drive off without me. As we’re seated at the table, he sits next to me. We’re all chatting and laughing and then he says “So, was that your boyfriend at the booth?” I hear JA almost choke on her water. He looks at JA and says “I’ll take that as a no.” He was referring to RY, who kept stopping by the booth to say hello and pass some time in between sessions. I told him he wasn’t but that he was a former colleague and his response was “Oh, I just thought he was since he would stop by to check in so often.” Heh. Nope, but I’m pretty sure you were just fishing for a little info there. I like you. You’re adorable. Your girlfriend is so lucky.
The rest of the show went by fairly quickly. A little too quickly because I didn’t want to leave my new favorite man, and as the show neared the end I was a little sad, but what can you do really? I was the first one to leave. Eye Candy decided he wanted to check his email on my laptop before I took off. I was joking with him that he was holding me hostage. “What are your demands, sir?” He laughed. What I really wanted him to say was something like “I’d like you to miss your flight so you have to stay an extra night and we can go to dinner and have more flirtatious eye contact. Maybe some flirtatious banter away from co-workers so I can get your story.” My luck is interesting, but not that good. So, it was time for me to leave and I stood in the booth looking at him. ‘Well, it was nice meeting you.” Awkward smile and pause. I thought maybe he’d say “Do you have a card?” or “Here’s my card” or “You are adorable. I’m going to call you when I’m in Vegas this weekend (Valentines’ day weekend) even though I’m probably bringing my hot wife/girlfriend. You’re just that interesting to me and I want to find out more about you.” All he said was, “Nice to meet you too.” Then after a beat, he opened his arms to give me a hug. Smile.
He smelled nice. He felt nice. I fit in ‘the nook’. I didn’t want to leave. I smiled for a week after that. It really is the small things in life. There were no numbers exchanged. There was no when can I see you again? When are we shacking up together? When do I get my first kiss?
Nothing.
4.08.2009
10 Things About Vegas I Didn't Know Until I Got Here
1. And they say Chicago is the Windy City.
On more than one occasion, I've nearly been blown off the freeway due to gusts in the 40-60 MPH range. When you drive a car that has plastic windows, they tend to act like a sail and can send you into the next lane of traffic.
2. Cool it!
Where I'm from, sun = warm. The sun comes out here everyday, so you actually have to pay attention to the weather report which tends to be quite accurate around here. In January, it gets into the 30's. Not cool. The only thing people ever say to me is "You're going to die in the summer." Nothing about "Just so you know, it can get cold here so you might want a parka."
3. Welcome Wagons.
So far anyone I've met -not associated to the nightlife scene- has been extremely welcoming. Granted, 3 months isn't a very long time and I know people are nice to you when you're new, so we'll see how this turns out later.
4. Vegas has 'traffic.'
Granted, it's not LA, NY or Seattle, but there is a fair amount of traffic congestion on the freeway. Luckily my work route doesn't go through a lot of the traffic, so that's nice for my commute.
5. Creepy Crawlies.
I've learned about all I want to know about cockroaches. They are gross.
6. "Clean Dirt".
My friend has a yard. I was surprised to see how green it was being in the desert and all. Then I found out it was AstroTurf. "Very easy to clean."
7. Officer, I thought it was legal!
Contrary to popular belief, Clark County does not allow prostitution. However, if you are willing to go 60 miles outside of The City of Sin, you will find brothels where you can partake in activities of that sort, but not legally in Las Vegas.
8. Clip This!
I get coupons to some of the casinos here. 2 for 1 specials, show coupons, dinners, 'line passes', and $20 of 'free play'. It's pretty cool since drinks here can run you $15 for a glass of wine (that's not even an exaggeration).
9. The Sun Doesn't Shine All The Time.
Summers of my childhood were exciting. Long nights because the sun didn't go down until 9:30 which meant bedtime was later, riding bikes continued until well into the evening and in my later years, it meant when I got off work I still had several hours of daylight to hang out with friends. Vegas is in a valley, which means the sun doesn't stick around much longer than 7:30 in the summer. That made me a little sad. (apparently this will make me happy in August when it's over 100 degrees.)
10. Natural Beauty.
There are beautiful things in Vegas. Beautiful people, beautiful clothes, beautiful cars, beautiful hotels all in abundance. What you don't realize is the natural surroundings; the rocky hills, the different colored rocks and the colors these areas take as the light shifts throughout the day is something just as breathtaking if you wait long enough for your eyes to focus.
On more than one occasion, I've nearly been blown off the freeway due to gusts in the 40-60 MPH range. When you drive a car that has plastic windows, they tend to act like a sail and can send you into the next lane of traffic.
2. Cool it!
Where I'm from, sun = warm. The sun comes out here everyday, so you actually have to pay attention to the weather report which tends to be quite accurate around here. In January, it gets into the 30's. Not cool. The only thing people ever say to me is "You're going to die in the summer." Nothing about "Just so you know, it can get cold here so you might want a parka."
3. Welcome Wagons.
So far anyone I've met -not associated to the nightlife scene- has been extremely welcoming. Granted, 3 months isn't a very long time and I know people are nice to you when you're new, so we'll see how this turns out later.
4. Vegas has 'traffic.'
Granted, it's not LA, NY or Seattle, but there is a fair amount of traffic congestion on the freeway. Luckily my work route doesn't go through a lot of the traffic, so that's nice for my commute.
5. Creepy Crawlies.
I've learned about all I want to know about cockroaches. They are gross.
6. "Clean Dirt".
My friend has a yard. I was surprised to see how green it was being in the desert and all. Then I found out it was AstroTurf. "Very easy to clean."
7. Officer, I thought it was legal!
Contrary to popular belief, Clark County does not allow prostitution. However, if you are willing to go 60 miles outside of The City of Sin, you will find brothels where you can partake in activities of that sort, but not legally in Las Vegas.
8. Clip This!
I get coupons to some of the casinos here. 2 for 1 specials, show coupons, dinners, 'line passes', and $20 of 'free play'. It's pretty cool since drinks here can run you $15 for a glass of wine (that's not even an exaggeration).
9. The Sun Doesn't Shine All The Time.
Summers of my childhood were exciting. Long nights because the sun didn't go down until 9:30 which meant bedtime was later, riding bikes continued until well into the evening and in my later years, it meant when I got off work I still had several hours of daylight to hang out with friends. Vegas is in a valley, which means the sun doesn't stick around much longer than 7:30 in the summer. That made me a little sad. (apparently this will make me happy in August when it's over 100 degrees.)
10. Natural Beauty.
There are beautiful things in Vegas. Beautiful people, beautiful clothes, beautiful cars, beautiful hotels all in abundance. What you don't realize is the natural surroundings; the rocky hills, the different colored rocks and the colors these areas take as the light shifts throughout the day is something just as breathtaking if you wait long enough for your eyes to focus.
4.06.2009
Next Stop, Penthouse Suite.
How do you write an elevator pitch about your life? As if people can be summed up in one word. Ever ask someone how they would describe you using one word? Try it. You'll get something like "Adorable. No no no, wait. Funny! Or no, actually full of life, oh wait that's three. How about... Quirky. Yes, that's it Quirky!"
For whatever reason I thought necessary at the time, I decided to join 9200 other bloggers in the 31 Days to a Better Blog Challenge in order to get back to writing and maybe learn something in the process. Or possibly get people to read this. But seriously, day one is "Write an Elevator Pitch." Awesome. For someone whose blog is about their life, I'm pretty sure that would be akin to the headline in a personal ad: "Just a normal guy," or how about "I can't believe I'm doing this." Better yet, "Insert witty headline here." Well, here's my headline -I mean- elevator pitch:
Moments and adventures of a witty 30-something whose ability to take risks and small leaps of faith have led her along a strange and hilarious path where even normal experiences take on extraordinary outcomes.
Pitch this.
For whatever reason I thought necessary at the time, I decided to join 9200 other bloggers in the 31 Days to a Better Blog Challenge in order to get back to writing and maybe learn something in the process. Or possibly get people to read this. But seriously, day one is "Write an Elevator Pitch." Awesome. For someone whose blog is about their life, I'm pretty sure that would be akin to the headline in a personal ad: "Just a normal guy," or how about "I can't believe I'm doing this." Better yet, "Insert witty headline here." Well, here's my headline -I mean- elevator pitch:
Moments and adventures of a witty 30-something whose ability to take risks and small leaps of faith have led her along a strange and hilarious path where even normal experiences take on extraordinary outcomes.
Pitch this.
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